Vocational Reflection from Ammerdown

Last year when I was asked to take some time away from the programme for Gail and myself and therefore take another year to complete the formation program I was very angry and very hurt. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t complete the training and the formation with my brothers. I questioned what I had done wrong, I questioned the people who made the decision, I ranted at friends and my brothers in the formation program. I tried to understand, I knew that it had been a difficult decision and that it must have been done prayerfully but it still hurt and it didn’t feel right.

Paul spent some time with me, explaining that God had his reasons and that as I approached ordination I would understand them. That I needed the extra time for some reason. While my head excepted this, my heart didn’t. I felt like I thought Jonah must have felt, while sulking in the desert at the end of his story. I felt hard done by but for no good reason. If I wanted to serve God, and this was his will, what was the problem. However, I certainly felt there was a problem.

A few weeks later my brother in law got very ill and over a few short days we lost him. His death and our families loss put that pain in perspective. I had lost nothing in the programme, but I had lost a brother and that caused very real pain. Thinking back I might have recognised that God had given me the space to support my family through our loss, but this wasn’t my thought at the time. It also doesn’t seem right now when I look back so after this weekend of reflection at Ammerdown, I have an alternative idea as to why God felt I needed another year in formation.

I am beginning to feel that one of the advantages of the extra year is the continued journey with Paul, Bogden & Steve and the new journey with Ric, Mario, Tony & Mike. Maybe my extra year is to help them, or the people we encounter at Wesley, Emmaus, Ammerdown and the other places we visit.

So if there is some truth in that, I was also delayed to learn something myself. It really isn’t about me, it’s about serving. A year ago I knew this, now I feel this. There is a difference, although I really lack the words to describe the difference. I feel called to serve, and glad and joyful and privileged to be able to respond to that call. I feel lucky to be where I am. And where I am is next to Gail, in the company of my brothers and sisters, looking for the opportunity to do Gods work, to serve others.

It’s not about me, it's about how God can use me and what others need from Him.